“Practice what you preach”, we all have heard it, said it… or maybe just wanted to say it to someone and so begins my post.
Our word means so much, what we say, the words we use, they all carry weight. I constantly find myself saying that communication is vital for a relationship to work, function and be maintained and yet… sometimes i find myself going up against the very same thing i am preaching.
I have been in relationships where my words were constantly scrutinized. If i said something and it was perceived to mean something else, nothing i could say could clarify or fix the persons perception.
I eventually realized that, at least in one of these relationships, it was a manipulation tactic. Unfortunately, I was so wound up in the relationship that the mere thought of making this person unhappy would break my heart.
This being said, i learned to hold things in, especially when it was about something that has been done or said to me. I became afraid to voice the way that i felt because i was nervous about not being able to word it appropriately.
After some time and a massive nasty break up, i came to terms with the fact that i am not always going to say things the “right way”, and that i may need to rephrase things after they have been said and yeah, maybe people may be offended but… that would be alright too.
But sometimes…. ::sighs::
My Master and i have an amazing relationship, i can talk to Him about anything and everything and yet today i stalled.
He said something and i was a little hurt by it. My heart knew that He didn’t mean it… every part of me knew He didn’t mean it and i felt horrible for feeling bad about it because i know He would never hurt me intentionally and so i was conflicted.
I knew that if i stopped at that very moment and said something, He would have apologized but then what if i made Him feel bad? I would never want to make my Master feel bad.
Why couldn’t i just get over it? Why couldn’t i just let it go?
We logged off a short time later and i fell asleep (wasn’t feeling that great today), and when i woke up, i talked to Him about it.
I told Him how sensitive i felt and He apologized and told me that He never meant to make me feel the way that i had.
He leashed me and i knelt at His feet and… i love Him.
I continue to battle these little demons, they come up and peek out from old battle scars and… when i am scared, when i feel a little hurt or even remotely afraid… they tempt me to hide away but i wont.
I love my Master. I love the way that He listens to me, the way that He leashes me at just the right time and He takes care of me.
When i feel like i am pulling away, He tugs at the leash and pulls me back to my place and so…
this post is not so much for You or you… it is a reminder for me… “Practice what you preach!”.